Thursday, May 25, 2006
haiz. the missing piece in my life is gone. my source of strength. my source of motivation. its all gone. now i don even feel like goin to school. i don even feel like goin to church. i just became so lethargic. is this wat a break up feels like? am i supposed to find another source of motivation? i promised her my arms would only be for her. but now shes gone. she says she still loves me. and i noe i still do love her. but why is it like that? she says she will love me in her heart. is that really called love? i find it quite ridiculous. will she be able to carry on life without me? i certainly cant. well im already in depression. not going to school today. im seriously thinking. shld i just go get another source of motivation to drive me. but i cant. i feel guilty. i am so madly in love with her. but i cant bear to leave her either. i really don feel like seeing her. or even talking to her. someone who actually broke my heart so badly. am i supposed to still continue waiting for her? am i supposed to wait for another chance to patch? i seriously don't noe wat to do from here on. my life is a mess. i need my missing piece back in my life. to make me complete and working again. i guess. we just have to find out with the time apart whether we really need each other. then i might not feel that guilty already. ive been trying and trying to patch. testing you time and again why you didnt want to forgive me. but i guess u don like it. and u aint gonna patch with me.. maybe at least for now. i dunno. but if you are going to carry on like that. so be it. ill really smash the board and the cup. and throw it away. recently have been talking to yi ping. and her advice is really good. haiz. at least it helps. cheers me up a little. thanks to you. ill blanja you breakfast one day. i cried while playing my game yesterday. was talking to gerald. haiz. he said. if like that might as well break. i dunno which advice is the best. but i wanted to leave it to God. that everything will be alright. but the patch never came. so i guess God cant really help much now. since shes decided not to patch. life sucks without her now. but i guess. its like that. i really don feel like talking to her again. not even if we are in the same cell group. but that will break the cell group bonding. maybe i shld just change church or change cell group. maybe i shld go on a fast. haiz.. i dunno Lord. what should i do. wat can i do. please answer me.
- I contemplated at 1:13 pm
