Friday, December 14, 2007
illuminated by the cold night's moonlight
i hid in the shadows projected by the town
thinking, believing,
that there was not a single thing left to believe in.
among the crowds that come and go,
in this monochrome world,
filled with anguish and hatred,
sadness and sorrow,
i stared up at the sky,
the silver silhouette of clouds barely seen,
yet only the ominous crescent moon hung there,
as if trapped up in the vast dark sky,
like a clear eye watching over the town.
the stars look like a crowd of people,
embracing, emitting different types of light.
i want to shine for once,
to entrust my dream to a shooting star.
as if to insist,
that i'm not afraid,
even if i were to lose,
i continue forward.
with only silence filling my heart,
the despair of the world edges past me,
i have lived until now,
not knowing desire,
not even understanding the meaning of doubt.
in this distored town,
i was simply swept along.
what is happiness.
the question keeps ringing in my mind.
what does it feel like to be happy.
the emptiness has overwhelmed me,
not knowing any feelings other than anguish and hatred.
what have i longed for.
a wasted life,
was it ever fulfiled,
has it ever been noticed.
sometimes i think to myself,
is it really worth it giving in,
to think about others before me,
is it possible to continue living this way,
or must i practice to hold back.
being too nice ain't gonna get you anywhere.
what have i seen in myself,
failure is what weighs more.
pessimism has crept in,
so desperately,
to take over my life.
the choices left to take,
seem to fade away,
as i get enveloped in the darkness,
never to see light again.
sitting cuddled up,
i see nothing,
i can only seek comfort in the soft embrace of myself.
the person which i used to be,
i did not know anymore.
who was i.
i lost my sanity in an instant,
only to know that what was left,
was just me,
and only me.
when no one else cares,
when no one else trusts,
i want to trust who i am,
right here, right now.
but in this darkness,
i just do not know when to start.
and eventually,
its still just me,
and only me.
- I contemplated at 11:43 am
