Tuesday, February 19, 2008
i cannot sleep tonight
i cannot sleep tonight
i cannot sleep tonight
things flooding my mind
thoughts
the fact that things arent cleared up
i hate that feeling
i want to clear things up
i want to settle down
its back to my depression writing
should i die
what would happen to me
who would turn up for my funeral
who would grieve for my lost
who would remember me
should i die
would the world change
would it be a better place
for i keep causing so much trouble
and distress
should i die
and go to hell
what will happen to the people i care about
what will happen to the people that care about me
these i will never know till i die
i carry burdens on my shoulders
in fact its too much for me to take
Lord give me some strength to carry on
what use is it
if the person you care most
doesnt want your help
what use is it
if you cannot in any way
help the person you care about
the load is heavy
people tell me im putting too much effort
people think im treasuring things of this world too much
am i?
i just want to make people happy
i just want to make the best effort i can
i dont want to waste anything
i want to make the best out of everything
to change the world
to impact others
but i don't think its possible anymore
people tell me i should try to bo chap
i try but it doesnt work
no matter how
it keeps coming back
i try to keep my mind off her for a while
but even when im eating
i still think about her
what is she doing
where is she
how is she
am i thinking too much?
perhaps?
perhaps not
i will never know
i can never stop thinking
its incorporated into me
its just me
isnt this love
maybe my methods
or my thinkings
can never be comprehended
no one understands me
but God
i dont want this relationship to end up like my last
it ended up switching positions
i treasure her at first
then it swapped
and i just didnt have the feeling anymore
extinguished
blown out
burnt out
am i holding on too much
maybe thats why im losing it
i think its just me
and the way im brought up
i cannot help it
but its just me
perhaps just me
and only me
- I contemplated at 2:31 am
